


Love Letter

by kimichi21a



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:00:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22935220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimichi21a/pseuds/kimichi21a
Summary: When things aren't always what they seem... Breaking one's heart doesn't always end with the best results, despite the best intentions behind it.When a decision is made to convey one's heart, surely it should be accepted... right?
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Love Letter

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I'll be upfront and say I'm unsure how this story panned out. I did try my best so thank you for reading this through and giving it a chance.

The creaking sound from the bed soon stopped as groans then filled the room. Heavy breaths and panting noises became a rhythm that lulled Jiwon to sleep. Flipping over to the other side of the bed and turning his head away from the man he had just touched, he let his mind wander in a drunken stupor. Mind weary yet his chest still ached as he stared at the digital clock on the nightstand.

The cold that was embracing his body soon changed into warmth as an arm crawled onto his torso followed by a body that produced too much heat for his liking.

He didn’t want the feeling of the heat on his body. He was getting tired of it. He wanted the cold to continue embracing him, and maybe, hopefully, it won’t stop until he was gone.

Jiwon tried to push the other person away, memory already hazy and unsure who it was that he shared the bed with. The last thing he remembered was a muffled sob and an apology before his eyes shut and he was welcomed by the darkness.

  
  


\---

  
  


The alarm blared around the room and Jiwon scrambled out of the bed to turn it off. His head immediately throbbed as hang-over took its shape and hit him like a sledgehammer prepared to ruin whatever it touches.

He sighed while gripping a good chunk of hair on his head, pulling it in all different directions. He hated the morning after getting drunk. He hated the point that he needed to get to it and drink again.

Because when the numbing sensation from the alcohol finally loosens its grip on him, reality immediately steps in to slap him across the face and remind him why he needed those drinks again.

“Jiwon? You awake?” Jiwon heard his flatmate’s voice behind the door after a knock. Jiwon immediately turned around to make sure that the man he brought home was now gone from their apartment. He knows that Jinhwan was very particular with people that he let into their flat.

Upon seeing the bed empty with a note on the pillow, he grumbled a gibberish which was enough to make the person on the other side know that he was awake. 

“There’s coffee here and Junhoe just--”

And as if lightning had suddenly struck, the door slammed open with Jiwon’s eyes looking desperately outside. His breath hitched into a frenzied state as he looked around but it was visibly obvious that disappointment ate at him.

“J-Junhoe just texted me to make sure to get your coffee...” Jinhwan uttered, shock still evident in his eyes while he eyed the younger. Jiwon looked utterly defeated and he slowly turned around to shut the door before leaning on it and sliding down in defeat.

Memories of his reality painfully stabbing back into his brain to remind him of his pain. The awful dread that continued to whisper in his ears were becoming unbearable.

“Jiwon… You haven’t eaten for days… You should--”

“I’m fine Jinhwan! Just leave me alone!” The younger claimed as sobs soon echoed within the walls.

Jinhwan sighed in defeat before turning away from his flatmate’s door. 

  
  


\--- 

  
  


Music blared inside his head as he took another shot. The taste lingering in his tongue, making him hiss. The bitter liquid has continuously made its way to his lips, successfully numbing the pain in his chest but it still wasn’t enough to block his mind from remembering memories of lips that smiled sweetly at him, eyes that looked at him as if he’s the only man in the whole world and touch that felt too perfect on his skin.

He gritted his teeth as he leaned back on his chair, gaze falling at the dance floor to choose another person to bed with.

A loud knocking resonated throughout the apartment before giggles erupted. Fumbling keys into the keyhole and soon the door burst open and arms encircled against Jiwon’s body.

Lips on his as if hungered for days. The way his tongue was sucked into another mouth with teeth bumping into each other. Clothes were spread out along the apartment and soon, the silence was covered with a blanket of continuous moans and groans, pants and deep breaths along with a creaking bed that served as their release to erupt onto.

Jiwon flipped over, occupying the vacant part of the bed and relaxing into the cold of the night. He wondered why there was an arm that reached over to hug him. He heard sobs and continuous apology but he couldn't be bothered.

Sleep soon pulled him back into a tight embrace and if only he could stay there, he most definitely will. Even nightmares felt better than his reality.

  
  


\---

  
  


_ A loud knocking rang through Jiwon’s room, stirring the man awake and welcoming the unforgiving punches of hangover. Jiwon was a bit disoriented when he woke up, the loud knocking confused him but his eyes fell on the digital clock that lay dormant on the nightstand. _

_ 7am _

_ He stood up, trudging towards the door. When he opened it, he saw the man he loved with all of his heart. “Baby...” his lips uttered without even wanting to. _

_ “Jiwon… why?” Tears fell from his lover’s eyes, confusing him all the more. And then he heard himself talk. “Baby I can explain...” _

_ “Explain what Jiwon?! That you fucked your flatmate because we fought?! Jiwon it was a simple fight and you immediately fuck whoever opens their legs for you?!” _

_ The words echoed in his mind. He wanted to step away and erase this from his mind. This memory was supposed to go away, it was supposed to be suppressed with alcohol in his system. This memory was something he never wanted to remember. _

_ “Jiwon?” as if on cue, he heard that familiar voice call out from behind him. _

_ He didn’t want to turn around to look because he already knew who it was he’ll see. He dreaded to see Junhoe’s pained face right after he looked back at the naked man on the bed. But his body betrayed him and looked back to see Jinhwan’s naked self, standing by the bed with a blanket on his waist. _

_ ‘No, no, no! No! Don’t look at Junhoe! Don’t!’ His mind screamed but his body turned back to Junhoe to see the pained face on his lover. Accusing eyes with trembling lips, cheeks tainted with tears. Jiwon shook his head as if he heard something shatter, a broken heart. _

_ “Congratulations. You finally got him to fuck you.” Junhoe uttered with a deadly venom in his voice. He pulled the ring away from his finger before throwing it over to Jinhwan’s direction, “I wish I never wasted my feelings on someone like you!”, before turning his heels to leave. _

_ Jiwon screamed to follow the guy but he froze on his spot when he felt arms around his chest. “Don’t go...” _

  
  
  
  


Jiwon gasped as he sat up from his bed. Gasping for air as if he’s forgotten how to breathe. His eyes fell on the digital clock on top of his nightstand.

2:35am.

He couldn’t believe the date when he checked his phone. He's lost any sense of time with his continuous drinking adventures that he didn’t realize how many months had passed. And yet he still couldn't get over this damn heartbreak. His heart was still in pieces like a broken mirror that can’t possibly be built back. 

He was thinking about something when he felt a pang in his bladder area and he immediately pulled the blanket away from his body only to find himself clothed.

Confusion immediately coated his mind as he wondered why he was still wearing clothes. The last thing he remembered before falling into the arms of sleep was going into bed with someone. He gasped before looking to the other side of his bed and noticed that no one was there. No sticky notes left and aside from wrinkles from his side, it looked like the bed was never used.

He heard footsteps outside his door and he immediately pretended to go back to sleep. He wasn't sure why he had to do that but deep in his gut he needed to so he simply listened and lay quietly on the bed, pretending to sleep. Even his bladder, that had been begging for release, seemed to have died down and waited with him.

The door to his room clicked open, knowing that it was locked when he glanced at it moments ago, he couldn’t help but wonder who it was. He heard footsteps come closer and soon, hands fell on his body to remove all of his clothing. He was acting like a deadweight while waiting for the other to be done.

He thought he should be attacking the person who was holding him but he wanted to know why this was happening. After feeling the rest of this clothing leave his body, he felt the person move towards the other side of the bed. The mattress sunk and he felt the blanket pulled and shoved aside.

When he heard a scribble, he finally looked to see Jinhwan writing something on a sticky note. He kissed it before planting it on the pillow beside his and gasping when he saw Jiwon’s eyes on him.

“What are you doing?” Jiwon questioned.

The older man looked too stunned to answer. And instead of providing one, he suddenly ran but was immediately stopped by Jiwon. Who, despite donning his birthday suit, managed to grab the older’s ankle and pull him into a crisp dive on the hardwood floors.

  
  


\--- 

  
  


_ “Are you leaving him again?” Jinhwan asked, eyeing Junhoe when he got out of Jiwon’s room. Hair ruffled and hickeys apparent on his neck. Jinhwan sighed as he shook his head. Junhoe’s lips curved into a quick smile, different from the usual bright ones that he was always proud of. _

_ “I… don’t think I have much time left.” Junhoe uttered, his smile faltering into a conscious array of biting his lips and opening them to speak but words became too afraid of leaving. _

_ “You should’ve just told him the truth Junhoe.” Jinhwan stated, eager eyes stared at him which only made him look away. “I know he doesn’t even remember that you’re the one he fucks when he’s drunk. He thinks he beds with anyone he sees… What’ll happen to him when he finds out it was you all along?” _

_ “I… don't know… But hyung… he’ll get over it and then he’ll get over me. When he comes home drunk… just bring him to his room and leave a sticky note with a random number. He won’t even check it because I ‘ve left my phone number on it every single time but he never called or texted.” Junhoe said, his voice trembled with pain and Jinhwan couldn’t help but look away. _

_ “Why can’t you just tell him like the way you told me?” Jinhwan wondered, knowing the secret that the younger had. “Plus… I know I said I’d help you break up with him before… because I thought you simply wanted everything to end. But this is pathetic and you’re just hurting yourself along with him.” _

_ “I know...” Junhoe answered, looking down to see droplets of tears fall on the floor. “I know… But… But I don’t want to see those eyes looking at me with worry. I don’t want him to pity me. I’ve already seen everyone else look at me with those eyes… I don’t want to see those on him either.” _

_ Jinhwan gritted his teeth as he closed his eyes. “How long am I supposed to fool him like this?” Junhoe sighed before looking up at him. “As long as you possibly can.” _

  
  


\---

  
  


“So… you’re telling me… that this was all a set-up?” The words felt like cement coming out of Jiwon’s mouth. It was disgustingly thick and he couldn’t seem to stomach it.

Jinhwan shifted on the bed, unable to look at Jiwon’s eyes after getting caught. The verdict? He set it all up as a request from Junhoe himself.

“But why… Why would you guys… why would you do this to me?” Jiwon’s voice reflected the pain he bore inside his heart. Jinhwan couldn't help but fidget as Jiwon stared him down.

Taking a deep breath, he stood up. “I need to get something. I think… it’s better if you read it for yourself.”

A wave of worry splashed against his body when he followed Jinhwan to his room. Upon arrival, Jinhwan reached for his drawer to open it and get a letter.

“He… gave this.” Jinhwan uttered. “I’m sorry for doing this to you Jiwon… But… I hope you could still forgive me after you read this….”

Jiwon felt his body freeze at the sight of the letter. He could somehow feel something wrong going on. He shook his head before reaching for it and looking at Jinhwan.

“I just wanna get one thing straight. Does that mean we never…?” Jiwon trailed, but by the look on the older’s face the question had been understood. Jinhwan looked away as he scratched his nape, biting his lip before answering him.

“You’re too flaccid to even do anything with me or anyone… unless it’s him.”

  
  


\--- 

  
  


Hey Baby…

I guess by the time you read this letter I’m probably long gone. I was beginning to think you won't catch on but figures Jinan-hyung would get caught because well… you’re smart like that. 

So here's the truth… I have a brain tumor, Jiwonie. I’m not going to make it until the end of this month. I know that if I told you, you’d do anything and everything in your power to help me but I can't let you do that. I can't make you stop your life just because of me… but mostly, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if you watch my weak self with pitiful eyes. So I did this. 

You probably hate me so much that you wish you’d never met me and was never part of your life. Honestly I’d prefer that too. Curse me. Hate me. Swear at me. Anything! I know I deserve it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I wasn’t brave enough to tell you all this. Please don’t blame Jinani-hyung. He only did this as a last favor to me.

I know I’m a despicable man for doing this to you and just the thought tears me apart. I’m just so so sorry for hurting you like this.

You have to know that everyday with you was life worth living and I'm happy to have loved a man such as you. My only wish is that you find someone new and love again – someone who’d give you the moon and the stars because I surely can't. 

I could only hope that you’d forgive me for what I did. 

I love you, my Jiwonie… and I’ll continue to love you even in the afterlife. I pray that you’ll be happy.

  
  


All my love,

Junhoe

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Letters were never my strong suit... So I ended up asking for friend's help for this. Shoutout to my lovely AJ and Joedy. Thanks for being my BETAs and I love you!


End file.
